reflections about children
PART 1 - PHASE ONE >I grew up knowing exactly how many children I wanted to have and what their names would be (although that changed every few months) and even the clothes I would dress them in. I wanted to be a wife and a mom and a doctor and a cheerleader. Now you may or may not be able to relate to this from your childhood, but this was mine.
PHASE TWO >When I was leaving my teen years, entering adulthood, I became more and more aware of the many failings and utter depravity of humanity and I felt unsafe. So the thought of bringing innocent, vulnerable little children into the world seemed cruel.
PHASE THREE >A few years ago my sister had a child. And despite how amazing and incredible that experience has been for me to be an aunt and to have this very cool kid in our lives, I also got a taste of the other side: self-sacrificing hard work. Soon after I caught myself saying things like "I love being an aunt because when it gets too hard or frustrating, I can just give the kid back!" I suddenly realized how selfish I was, and how sabotaging a kid would feel in a well-ordered life (terrible, I know, but honest). So for the last couple of years I have honestly been able to say that I have not wanted kids. I have also said that my perspective may change, however (as my mom assured me). And it has. But in ways that surprised me:
First of all, I deeply appreciate character and courage and I am often deeply saddened by the lack of it. So I think situations that build character, that require courage should not be avoided. Parenting would be one of those situations I have decided.
Secondly, in regards to wanting to protect kids from today's world, a new perspective has been growing. But it wasn't until I was in the video store (of all non-inspirational places) that I found a quote that expressed what I was learning the best:
"The only thing necessary for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing." - Edmund Burke
We have a responsibility to fight to positively change our world. As a Christian, I believe that fight is initiated by God, and He calls us to task by extracting love out of us (loving others as Jesus Christ loved). That looks like a whole host of things, but service is a big one. Another way is by giving everything we have/can to raise the next generation of good men and women. It happens freqently in the animal kingdom: when an animal becomes a parent (like the penguin), they will risk their very lives in order to nurture their young. If we don't raise them there won't be the next Mother Theresa, or the next Mister Rogers. It is our privilege and our responsibility. And that grips me in a way that baby Gap does not.
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Part 2 - So what's the ideal way to raise a child? I think there are some basic essentials that I don't need to go into detail on like love, care, safety, etc. But a concept hit me about some of the misconceptions of "ideal" that we have. My brother-in-law is a youth pastor and his "work" hours are not 9-5pm. They are mornings, and late nights, and special events... So my niece, in order to be a part of the picture of their lives, has been raised to adapt her nap times and bed times, and even meal times. Looking from the outside in, I can see some consequences to that kind of lifestyle. I would have said that it was abnormal and certainly not ideal. And yet she is so social and comfortable in a crowd. She also has a wonderful personality.
Later on I was watching a teen movie called First Daughter, and I had a revelation (sometimes my sources of inspiration are shameful for me to write about). In the movie Katie Holmes is the daughter of the "President" and is raised in an unconventional way: in the spotlight, very aware of political scenarios and opinions; not a lot of quality time with her parents. And you pity her. But then later on you see how her upbringing has made her a vocal individual with solid ideas about politics, ethics and leadership. In short, her life has shaped her into an important person in society. Her experience might not be ideal, like my nieces', but it makes the presidents, the youth leaders and the nurses, etc. of the future.
PHASE TWO >When I was leaving my teen years, entering adulthood, I became more and more aware of the many failings and utter depravity of humanity and I felt unsafe. So the thought of bringing innocent, vulnerable little children into the world seemed cruel.
PHASE THREE >A few years ago my sister had a child. And despite how amazing and incredible that experience has been for me to be an aunt and to have this very cool kid in our lives, I also got a taste of the other side: self-sacrificing hard work. Soon after I caught myself saying things like "I love being an aunt because when it gets too hard or frustrating, I can just give the kid back!" I suddenly realized how selfish I was, and how sabotaging a kid would feel in a well-ordered life (terrible, I know, but honest). So for the last couple of years I have honestly been able to say that I have not wanted kids. I have also said that my perspective may change, however (as my mom assured me). And it has. But in ways that surprised me:
First of all, I deeply appreciate character and courage and I am often deeply saddened by the lack of it. So I think situations that build character, that require courage should not be avoided. Parenting would be one of those situations I have decided.
Secondly, in regards to wanting to protect kids from today's world, a new perspective has been growing. But it wasn't until I was in the video store (of all non-inspirational places) that I found a quote that expressed what I was learning the best:
"The only thing necessary for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing." - Edmund Burke
We have a responsibility to fight to positively change our world. As a Christian, I believe that fight is initiated by God, and He calls us to task by extracting love out of us (loving others as Jesus Christ loved). That looks like a whole host of things, but service is a big one. Another way is by giving everything we have/can to raise the next generation of good men and women. It happens freqently in the animal kingdom: when an animal becomes a parent (like the penguin), they will risk their very lives in order to nurture their young. If we don't raise them there won't be the next Mother Theresa, or the next Mister Rogers. It is our privilege and our responsibility. And that grips me in a way that baby Gap does not.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 2 - So what's the ideal way to raise a child? I think there are some basic essentials that I don't need to go into detail on like love, care, safety, etc. But a concept hit me about some of the misconceptions of "ideal" that we have. My brother-in-law is a youth pastor and his "work" hours are not 9-5pm. They are mornings, and late nights, and special events... So my niece, in order to be a part of the picture of their lives, has been raised to adapt her nap times and bed times, and even meal times. Looking from the outside in, I can see some consequences to that kind of lifestyle. I would have said that it was abnormal and certainly not ideal. And yet she is so social and comfortable in a crowd. She also has a wonderful personality.
Later on I was watching a teen movie called First Daughter, and I had a revelation (sometimes my sources of inspiration are shameful for me to write about). In the movie Katie Holmes is the daughter of the "President" and is raised in an unconventional way: in the spotlight, very aware of political scenarios and opinions; not a lot of quality time with her parents. And you pity her. But then later on you see how her upbringing has made her a vocal individual with solid ideas about politics, ethics and leadership. In short, her life has shaped her into an important person in society. Her experience might not be ideal, like my nieces', but it makes the presidents, the youth leaders and the nurses, etc. of the future.
posted by Miriam Miller at 8:18 p.m.
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