A letter on the road

This is an excerpt from a post I made on a forum about relationships. It's pretty personal stuff, probably the most "insight" I have posted, but I thought it was a topic seldom discussed with candor, so I posted it. Would love to hear some feedback... Dear Goldie,I am 28, single and I do talks about relationships and sexual purity to youth. It's the most ironic thing because I certainly don't feel like an expert, and I have my own battle that God is leading me through. I have no desire to be a hypocrite, but sometimes I feel the battle waging so heavily, I wonder why God doesn't pick someone else. I feel sure that it's through that battle that I can be a real hope to others - relating to them. Anyway, here are some of the thoughts and revelations that I have had…God speaks to me in pictures. One that I got awhile ago was of my heart being a house. As a believer, God owns the house, but having a will and flesh, contending with the Spirit, I see that I have not allowed God to have full reign over every room. Sometimes I don't even know it until something I have been holding onto dearly, is threatened, or taken away and my selfish ways... my will is revealed. I don't think singleness or marriage is the point... It's a matter of identity. WHO are you? What is your worth - is it as a lover? Is it as a female who has a body to be desired, or to bear children?What does the bible say? In Galatians 3:26-29 it says this:"You are all [children] of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise."The revelation of God's truth in this passage was SO encouraging to me. I am neither male nor female. I have nothing to prove as a woman. I have no need to be accepted AS A WOMAN. I belong to Christ. I am not less, or more if I am married, or having sex or having children...Why is that encouraging? Why should that not matter what gender we are? Because of "we were baptized into Christ". When? When we died. Yep... for all those that accepted Jesus, we DIED when He died. So who lives in us now? Jesus. Spirit.Why do we experience so much defeat than? Because we still believe we have rights. The most treacherous is the RIGHT we believe we have to be happy. Following that line... the right to sex and marriage, to bear children...As long as we hold those things to the sky and say "this is who I am... I demand you provide this.." then the devil can feed us lies. "God doesn't want you to be happy... you might be single forever, you had better satisfy yourself. He's taking his time, you can just fantasize or find love yourself..."And the lies come to the threshold of our mind, and we invite them in. Because it feels good to feel something... even bitterness, even depression... because we are FEELING. I know...But how many rights does a dead person have?none.What did God ask of us... oh.. nothing really... just EVERYTHING. Full reign of all the rooms in our hearts, full command of the direction of our ship, our bodies as LIVING sacrifices.. but whose life? The life of Jesus. He is the ONLY one who can live our lives for us. How? By faith. Repenting for doing things OUR way, wanting only OUR desires... and humbly asking him to live through us. Loving our brothers (friends, boyfriends, husbands, fathers) the way HE loves them. Not with a view to own them, or for them to meet OUR needs. But to be motivate by Agape LOVE.And here is the thing.. if we don't step aside, He will do His most gracious act.... break us. He will use circumstances in our lives to reveal our flesh, until we surrender to Him.Our circumstances are not an accident. We choose what to do with it, but God is using people, and desires to break our flesh, and extract the Spirit of Christ in us. Are you fighting it still?One of my best friends got married and said to me one day. "Miriam, I see it now... I didn't get married because I had "arrived" anywhere, or because I was better than anyone. It was simply because in God's work in my character, He decided in His wisdom that I had learned enough one way, and now he was going to use my husband to keep the process going." sand paper... to refine us. That's what I've heard marriage described as. It's an AWESOME description... think about your relationships with your family and friends. Who would you be without them? Selfish.. or inconsiderate, maybe? God loves you so much He is not okay with you staying the way you are.So what of sex and children, and love and romance, etc...They are GIFTS. And only when something is truly viewed as a gift, can it be appreciated. If it's a right, you will ALWAYS be disappointed. Because a man and children cannot satisfy you forever. You will always be hurt and demanding your rights all your life if you are looking to others to fill a void. But when you are whole in Christ... FULLY accepted and loved by Him, then whatever comes is a blessing... whether it's pain - because God will show you more of who He is through it, or joy - because it will be His gift to His beloved.So tell me... have you given up your rights? Who is truly in control of the rooms of your heart? Lies, or truth? Spirit, or flesh.I believe His purity is lived out in us by the indwelling Life of Christ.Keeping fighting the good fight.Your sister,Miriam